Embarrassing Shopping Lists

I cannot function without lists. I am already a mess with my lists for everything, so I can’t imagine where my family would be if I banked on my memory working. I think we’d be living in a tent made of garbage bags and panty liners, but always having a never-ending supply of toilet paper. I buy a lot of toilet paper because I fear running out of it. No, I fear the consequences of running out of it on Wednesday morning when the night before was Taco Tuesday.

I need these lists to keep my family alive and to stay on top of my make-up supply for my blotchy face. Yesterday as I was skimming over my shopping list it occurred to me how embarrassing it would be to have this list fall into the wrong hands. Can you imagine your high school bully getting a hold of such a list? Or your ex-friend from the Mommy And Me group that you used to attend before you realized that these women were more fake than Madonna’s British accent? Wait, that’s old news. More fake than Kim K.’s “real” butt.

At this point you might be asking yourself why a shopping list would be so mortifying if read by someone else. A typical stock grocery list reads something like this:

  • Lettuce
  • Milk
  • Shampoo
  • Apples

Who care’s if someone reads that, right? Enter MY shopping list:

  • Lettuce
  • Milk
  • Hemorrhoid gel (cream wears off too fast, ointment is too greasy)
  • Tortilla chips
  • Poise pads (the kind for pee, not for your period. I love these btw. Ooh, review idea!)
  • Dry shampoo
  • Ultra super whopper industrial tampons
  • Stool softeners
  • Acne cream
  • Ground turkey

Ok, that it is just one of this week’s list. To make me feel better about myself, or possibly worse, I beg you to share with me your shopping lists. I really want to know who has the most embarrassing list! I can not be the only one, right?

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